First Love
by Klutzygirl33
Summary: Emma had never been in love before, and now she didn't have the chance to find out what it was like. Mentions of Emma/Graham. Spoilers for "The Heart is a Lonely Hunter"


**Disclaimer**: I don't own Once Upon A Time and never will. No copyright infringement intended.

**Author's Note**: Brought to you by the realization last night that Emma was a one night stand kind of girl and had never fallen in love - Until she met Graham. Enjoy!

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><p>Emma Swan never wanted to fall in love – It just seemed like it'd be too much work, lead to more pain that she didn't want. But somehow, Graham had managed to tear down her walls and she started falling in love with him. And now he's dead of a fucking heart attack, leaving her heartbroken. She's been hurt plenty of times, but never quite like this.<p>

"I don't understand why I'm feeling this way." She really wished her hysterical sobs would end, but looks like that won't happen any time soon.

"Oh, Emma." Mary Margaret had been devastated at losing David, but at least he was still alive. Her friend and roommate didn't even have the luxury – Graham would never be coming back, and that was absolutely devastating.

"I just want to stop it, Mary. Why won't it?" Emma choked back another sob, hating that she was so vulnerable.

Mary Margaret tried to hold back her sympathy tears – Emma needed her to be strong right now. She hugged her roommate for a few seconds before letting go. "You haven't had to deal with death much, have you?"

"Not with someone close to me." Emma hadn't let herself get close enough to anyone, and Graham's death had just proved why – It hurt too much. She was about to put her walls up even higher than before so no one else could get in. It'd be easier that way, and all she wanted to deal with was easy. Not love – except for Henry. She'd make sure her son was loved and taken care of. She'd be friends with Mary Margaret, but no one else would be let in.

"I'm not going to tell you that you'll move on – Everyone grieves differently – but I can tell you it will stop hurting so much eventually. You'll always remember Graham, but you'll fall in love with someone else who will treat you so well." Mary Margaret hugged her again and refused to let go this time.

Emma resisted this time – at least at first – but then melted into the embrace. She didn't want it, but she just needed someone to take care of her. "Thank you."

"You don't have to thank you, but you are welcome." Mary Margaret rubbed her back and eventually, Emma's sobs died down until she fell asleep. She gently pushed the sleeping woman back down onto the couch and covered her up.

When Emma woke up in the morning, she pretended like she was fine so Mary Margaret wouldn't worry and then cried in the shower. She hated that she felt so weak, but falling apart in private was better. She tried to pretend like she was strong afterwards, and then rushed down to the police station to work. Luckily, little things kept popping up and Emma was kept so busy that she didn't have time to think about Graham and his unexpected death.

When Emma got home, she was so exhausted she just collapsed on the couch and stared into stare. Luckily, Mary Margaret was home so she could grieve in peace – Or at least that was the plan until Henry showed up. "I wanted to help you feel better." His real plan had been to tell his mother that Graham had remembered everything until he took a look at her. She looked like she was sad and not ready to hear anything about Operation Cobra.

"That's sweet, kid." Emma appreciated her son trying to help her.

"Now, do you want to go to Granny's? She'll make you your favorite!"

"Sorry, but I'm fine here. You want to order some pizza and watch TV?" Emma welcomed any distraction and Henry would definitely help.

"Sure! What do you want on yours?"

"Pepperoni, please. What's your favorite topping?"

"Mushrooms, but I'll get it on only half. That okay with you?"

"That's fine." Truthfully, she didn't have much of an appetite, but she hadn't eaten all day and was starting to feel it. Emma needed to eat.

Henry called one of the few pizza places in Storybrooke to order the pizza and then turned on the TV. He turned it to cartoons – something stupid – so that hopefully Emma would laugh. Luckily for him, it worked and by the time the pizza arrived, she was feeling a little better. The two ate their food in silence.

When Mary Margaret finally got home, Henry was watching one of his favorite shows while Emma slept. "Hi, Miss Blanchard."

"Hi, Henry. What's going on?"

"Emma fell asleep, so I decided to stay here for a little while. She was tired and sad, so I wanted to make her feel better."

She smiled at her student. "That is so sweet, you know that? You're a great kid."

"Thank you." He beamed at her.

"Don't you think you should go home, though? I'm sure your mother is worried about you." Mary Margaret did not want to have to deal with Regina because she had enough of the mayor. She just wished she could stand up to her.

"Yeah, I guess. Will you tell Emma I hope she feels better when she wakes up?"

"Of course. Now go!" Henry gently hugged his sleeping biological mother and then left the apartment. He was now on a mission to cheer Emma up and he wasn't about to be deterred by anything.

Mary Margaret was about to go up to her bedroom when Emma let out a whimper and cried out for Graham. She awoke with a gasp and started crying again, so Mary Margaret bolted towards her and took her in her arms. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be, sweetheart, because you have nothing to feel sorry for." Mary Margaret took her in her arms and started rocking Emma back and forth to calm her down. She hated seeing her this upset for some reason and she just wanted it to stop.

"I'm so fucked up, and I don't need anyone. I never have. I hate that you're taking care of me because I'm such a fucking mess, but I love it at the same time." Emma didn't understand her emotions and she cried even harder.

"I know you don't need anyone, but let me help you, Emma. I don't mind at all. You have nothing to be ashamed of for letting your walls down. You can't be impenetrable forever."

"Okay." Emma just wanted someone to take care of her for a few minutes at most and then she could go back to normal.

"Now what were you dreaming about? It was obviously about Graham."

"I keep relieving his death. Seeing over and over again really fucking sucks. I should have been able to save him – I could tell he was sick and I didn't make him see a doctor."

"Emma, you can't save everyone, no matter how hard you try."

"I know." She took a shuddering breath and finally stopped crying, then started to pull herself together. Emma thanked Mary Margaret for her comfort and then went into the kitchen to grab something else to eat.

The next morning, when she woke up, Emma's walls were fully back in place and she was a fortress – Almost no one would be able to get through them now since they were higher than ever.


End file.
